Who's Your Witness? Your Person?

I wanted to thank everyone who reached out personally to check in. Thank you, thank you for being so kind.

Close to 500 people read my last blog!!! I was shocked when I saw the website analytics.

I will be posting within the next few weeks and then I will be off the grid for two weeks as I will be having surgery mid-month. All of the details and info will be written and posted post-op so stay tuned.

Kindness, kind-heartedness, warm-heartedness, tender-heartednes , goodwill, affectionateness, affection, warmth, gentleness, tenderness, concern, care.

Seems like a no brainer to be kind. But why is it so hard for so many not be kind?

Kindness is actually very simple. A simple idea with a significant impact.

I am not going to sit here and preach that we all must be kind 24/7. That would almost impossible for anybody. We all have our moments that’s for sure, I have had plenty past and present. Lately I have really thinking about what has made me be unkind in certain times in my life. What were the triggers? What set me off to be unkind to a parent, sibling, child, friend, co-worker, boyfriend, etc…?

After meditating, writing, and reading on this, its pretty simple what the answer is. PAIN.

When people suffer they become unkind, distant or maybe even mean. How do we fix this when there is no normal life that is free of pain? Pain, heartache or heartbreak helps us grow so therefore we need it, but how can we be kind during all of the tough times we have in our life?

It”s the answer we have all probably known all along.

You need a person (or multiple) but what I have found is way less is WAY more. The person or people that have known you for years, the people that listen, the ones who truly care and understand you and where you are coming from. The authentic people that have your back and not turn theirs.

Author Alice Miller calls that person a “witness”.

“In order to transform pain into kindness and love you need a witness.

One human being to witness your pain.

One human being to feel your sadness.

One human being to see you. To feel your aloneness and brokenness.

Once you have that one witness, you get to feel your own pain and know that there is hope.

In order to transform pain into kindness and love you need”

Even your “person” or “witness” will never feel exactly what you feel, but just to know that you have that person is comforting and healing.

After thinking about how amazing I have felt during moments of kindness; I realized, it’s true. Kindness is a piece to the puzzle. Wether its raising money for a good cause, holding the door for someone, asking someone if they are okay, letting someone go ahead of you in the grocery store or most importantly; being that PERSON/WITNESS, whatever or to whomever it may be; very quickly you will see how your moods and spirits are lifted. Not only yours but those around you.

Keep in mind, being kind is not about doing something to get something. It’s about doing something for the sake of making someone feel seen. Making someone feel good.

Think about it…..

How did you feel when someone did something kind for you? Even if it was for a brief moment, how happy did it make you feel? Did you think about the pain? The suffering?

When we are kind we feel good. It’s not bullshit. It’s a fact. Kindness releases feel-good hormones, boosts your serotonin which is the neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of satisfactions and well-being.

Being kind eases anxious feelings, is good for your heart, reduces stress, can prevent illness, and will help you live a longer, happier life. (just like yoga)

Hold the door.

Say hello to a stranger.

Reach out to a friend or family member. Be someone’s person/witness.

Donate to a charity.

Leave extra as a tip or pick up someone's bill (only if you can afford too)

Or just lift your head up from your device and say hi to stranger or maybe the person sitting next to you.

Be Kind.

“The less you open your heart to others, the more yours suffers” Deepak Chopra

be kind

Happy Imperfect Mother's Day

What a great weekend of celebrating. My baby boy turned 14 and today we are celebrating Mother’s Day. Every day is Mother’s Day. Happy Mother’s Day to all of you hard working, multi-tasking, beautiful, strong, sometimes under appreciated, talented, mom’s out there.

Happy Mother’s Day to my beautiful mom!!! I know I was not easy and guess what? Some days it is coming back in full force to bite me in the ass. But that’s okay. It’s full circle. Thanks for putting up with my shit during my younger years and even sometimes now. This strong mind of mine just keeps getting stronger. Thank you for doing what you did back in 1981. I am not sure the three of us would be who are today and where we are in life if you stayed. Working your ass off. I get it. Boy; do it get it. Full Circle for sure. Anyway, thank you and I love you. Have a Happy Mother's Day!

Before I continue to write, I would like to share something from a “unknown author”

“Mama, you were given these children. You—no one else. You were given these children because you are who they need. You have the soul to love them even on their hard days. You have the motivation and love to give to these children everything they need. You have the heart to wake up every morning and do it all over again, even when you are exhausted. You have the smile that they crave and the touch to make everything okay. You are their sunshine and their comfort. You are theirs, and they are yours, Mama. On the days you are questioning yourself, remember this…you’ve got this.” ~ Unknown

Yes!!! We’ve got this!!! There are so many days when we may think we don’t. There are days where you just want to run. Days where you are not sure how you are going to possibly handle everything. Days when you forget to pack lunches, baseball hats, give lunch money, forget to wash their favorite jeans, days when you don’t feel like having 6 teens over the house because you don’t feeling like dealing with 6 more sets of hormones or maybe the house isn’t clean enough or you just don’t have enough food in the fridge to feed 6 more mouths. But, it’s okay. We are human. We are superheros and some days we lose our power but it is only just for a moment.

There are plenty of sleepless nights. Worrying if some idiot that’s drinking and driving will run off the road and not see your kid on their bikes. Stressing over how you are going to pay for the next set of braces, the next trip to Spain, cars, college. Thinking about grades, parties, games, friends. The list is endless. What guess what? We’ve got this!!! We are strong, powerful, we are natural nurtures. We are doctors, taxi drivers, therapists, cooks, teachers, accountants, a voice, ear, and the eyes of amazing people that came out of us!! Think about that. WE CREATED!!! We created, we teach, we learn, we practice and we continue to share in hopes that our children turn out to be just as AMAZING as we are. But guess what? We need show that we are not perfect, show our flaws and teach them that it is okay.

I read a blog a while ago that inspired me to write what I am going to write.

I am sorry that I will NEVER be the perfect mother.

Everyday, I wake up knowing that Kelsey and Patrick deserve the best. Kelsey and Pat, I hope you read this one day.

I love you both will all of my heart and soul and I hope you know that. I am so blessed to have smart, talented, funny, beautiful, respectful teenagers. Some days, I am simply amazed at how amazing you both are and I  wonder “How the “F” did this happen”. I am proud. I am happy. I am blessed. But I am far from perfect.

I am sorry you did not grow up in a “traditional family”. But this is the road we were meant to be on. I have no regrets at all, but this is what  you needed even if our situation is different than your friends. You are simply two of the most wonderful young humans I have ever met. Not perfect, but that’s okay. 

I would fight for you and die for you.

I am sorry to the things I have to say no to. It’s rare and there isn’t a whole hell of a lot I deny you of. If I can make it happen, I will and I am in the process of doing so. Sit tight. 

I am sorry that in the past, I dragged you to before care at 6:30 am and after care until 6:00 pm and being so tired and slightly grumpy when we got home.

I am sorry some nights, I was logged on working remotely. I am sorry I dragged you to work with me on Saturday’s.

I had to and will continue to work. I am not perfect. But now I finally have the flexibility to pick you up from school, attended games, cook dinner almost every night and be there for you. Some days and nights I have to teach, and get work done when you are home. I hope that one day you understand my drive, motivation and determination for my why’s, and I hope it’s contagious for you in your future. Good work ethic is hard to find these days. If I can teach you a few things; I hope you have the ethic and drive to work hard at whatever you choose to do in the future.

I am sorry I was so tired that I just did not have the energy to play catch or bake with you at the time you wanted, but I am so glad that I did make the time and push myself to get out there enough times to make memories to practice, bake cookies, color or watch I Carly, Power Rangers,  because it was well worth it.

I am sorry for yelling at times in the past, present and I know I will continue to raise my voice in the future. But I promise that I will take a step back and remember to breathe. Remember that I love you. I am your parent, your disciplinarian and then your friend. I am not perfect and I am not a “Disney Parent”. You will understand what that means one day when you begin to figure it all out.

We are going to fight. We are going to disagree. You may not like me some days and I will not like you at that present moment, but the only thing we can do is know that these crappy moments will not last forever.

I am sorry I was not a honor student and can’t help you with all of your homework. Continue to study hard and work “your way”. I will guide and support you but this brain just doesn’t function well with academics and I am not embarrassed to say so. Continue to study and work hard. I am proud of the both of you for the achievements you have made so far. Keep it up. Don't "B" so hard on yourself if you get a "B". 

I am sorry some days the fridge is slightly empty.

I am sorry for not buying the junk food you crave, and going out for ice cream every night in the summer. Outings like this should be a special treat and a special moment. Not a demand or a habit. One day will thank me for the healthy lifestyle, I can promise you that.

I am not sorry for signing and dancing to Johnny Cash in the kitchen back in the day and singing Kenny Chesney with the top down in my jeep present day. I hope that one day you will remember the silly things and most importantly to sing and dance like no one is watching and not give a shit if some one is. Why? Because it feels good. "I hope you dance" "Now and Forever."

I am not sorry for posting selfies on my Instagram page because one day you will look back at them and be proud of me. Continue to share your stories. Follow the real, genuine stories and keep scrolling through the ones that portray themselves to be perfect. It's called False Advertising.

I am not perfect and to be honest, I am not looking to be. I am not the perfect mom, friend, sister, daughter, girlfriend, and boss. I will curse. I will go out of the house looking like a slob. And I will continue to take all of my hard work in the home and outside the home seriously.

I don’t need a big house, a fancy car or fancy clothes in order for people to think I live a perfect life or think that I am a perfect mother. There are days when I get nervous that my imperfections will somehow transfer to you. But guess what? You don’t need someone to show you perfection. You need someone to show you what REALNESS looks like. Realness is meant for the three of us. Real. Honest. Genuine. Low maintenance.Slightly Messy. IMPERFECT. This is US!! In a peaceful, happy, quiet, no frills, small kitchen house.

I am not sorry for not being be perfect. But I WILL NEVER BE SORRY for doing the best I can to continue to raise two awesome teenagers every day. Play hard. Study hard. Work hard. Laugh hard. Live hard.

I love being your mom even on the crappy days. It’s going to be a bumpy ride, but in the end you will realize that perfect is so F’in boring and does not exist.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the IMPERFECT mom’s out there! Have a great day today and everyday!

Be Happy

Be Healthy

Be Strong

The Proud, Imperfect Mom

A very special Mother's Day Workshop

" I am not the perfect mother and I will never be. You are not the perfect daughter and you will never be. Put us together, and we will be the best mother and daughter we would ever be"

Join the mother/daughter team; Michelle, Bayley, Peggy and Brittany for a one hour and 30 minute yoga workshop for mothers and daughters.

For humans, roots are deeply embedded in our family. They provide nourishment. They anchor us. They feed our souls.

The strong bond between a mother and daughter is strong. Sometimes we may feel otherwise especially in the teenage years. Every moment is precious.

Whether or not we appreciate those moments makes no difference as long as we take time now.

They grow up so fast and before you know it, they are having their own.

Take the time this Mother’s Day Weekend to get on your mat with your mother/daughter.

We will open with meditation, partner poses for grounding and balancing and journaling.

Like the branches of a tree, we must sway and bend with the wind, for our roots are strong and are intertwined forever.

$40 per Mother/Daughter

Pre-pay in advance to hold your spot at SUKHA.