Countdown to 50.

I know this may sound strange since I have 1,026 days left until I turn 50, but I felt the need to write about where I am and where I’ve been and wondering where will I be on the day I turn 50. What will my life be like?

I am not sure what encouraged me to write this. Maybe it was how good it made me feel to get carded in Salt Lake City last weekend, or thinking about how lucky our children are to have so many tools to live a long, healthy life. Whatever it is, here it is…

This blog is not about looking into a crystal ball. It is a challenge. A challenge, a blog and a picture I would like to look back on in 2021 when the big 50 approaches to see how far I have come since 2018 and I encourage all of you to do the same no matter what age.

To date, I have been through a lot just like all of you. Maybe not everything, but we have all been through “stuff”. The good, the bad and the ugly.

I am a child of divorce and a daughter of an alcoholic. We grew up in bad times and good. We lived on food stamps for a short period of time living in a not so great town. My mother was strong and worked hard. My dad had a disease, struggled and lost everything. We were fortunate enough to get out of a horrible town and live where we were meant to be.

My mother worked hard. We went to private school and college. We worked and worked hard. My sister on Wall Street, my brother with a large Pharm Company and me in NYC. As I am writing this, I stopped. WOW!! Not so bad. Three kids coming from a broken home and a father with a terrible disease. We are products of divorce!! Thanks mom!! You did good. It wasn’t easy and neither was I. Thank you. We are all where we are meant to be because of you. There are days where you may feel under appreciated, but guess what? Being a mom is the most UNDERAPPRECIATED job in the world.

I feel the need to also express gratitude to my father for the experience of being a child of an alcoholic so I can share and teach. My father has been gone four years now this month. We have had a few conversations since and I am so thankful for them. It has been healing.

We are far from perfect and each of us has our crap to deal with; but I am proud. Proud of my mom and my siblings. Thank you!

Lesson: Never judge children of a broken family.

Fortunately and unfortunately, my children are children of divorce. They are amazing and I am blessed. Woody and I co-parent well and I am thankful for that. Honors, athlete, no booze or drugs, fun, healthy and happy. And they to are not perfect. No one is. They are driven and have goals and my wish is that they never loose sight.

I have seen divorce, pain, homelessness, addiction, physical, emotional, and mental abuse. I have seen poverty in India as I inspected diamonds. I have driven old cars and new. Fancy and not so fancy. I am blessed now to be doing what I am doing. On the mat and off. Hopefully inspiring, motivating and helping people as best I can because helping others is the way we help ourselves and it feels really good.

I was never a good student. I struggled in school. It never came easy to me and I am not embarrassed to say that I was not “book smart”. I am street smart. Situational awareness and the center of my own knowledge based on MY experiences, not someone else’s. I have learned how to trust my own judgement and fend for myself. The past, present and future and I encourage everyone to try to do the same. Let’s teach our kids how to be street smart.

To date, I have visited many places and this will not stop unless I am physically unable. The beauty and slums of India, the towers and art of Paris, blue waters of Turks and Caicos, green hills, and yummy Guinness of Ireland, the changing of guards and breathtaking countrysides of England, many Caribbean Islands, cruised and boozed, paddled Rincon and sunbathed topless in St. Martin. I have 18 states left to see and many countries and Islands on the list. Travel if you can. Save those quarters. Don’t waste the money at the bar when you can put it towards a trip.

I have had my heart broken and broke a few myself. This body has seen 99 lbs and 180 lbs (no tummy tuck BTW) Boobs yes. Tummy tuck no. It’s called exercise and being in tune with your body. (moral of this story: Don’t bring others down and make shit up to make yourself look good. It has the opposite effect)

We have all suffered from pain. Heartbreak to pushing for 19 hours to give birth to an angel.

There are times when you think emotional and physical pain is so bad that you just want to give up. Storms that you never think you will get through and then you open your eyes and realize “as long as you are breathing, there is more right than wrong with you no matter what is wrong”-Jon Kabat.

This beautiful, yet challenging life I have had has shaped me and encourages me everyday to be perfectly imperfect. I am learning and growing and I will until I die keeping in mind to breathe and be fully present.

In 2021, the year I turn 50, I will have one young woman in college and my young, handsome man on his way. Holy shit!!! I encourage them to see the world. Get out of the bubble. Live. Learn. Be street smart and take care of your bodies inside and out. Where will I be? Hopefully sitting here writing to follow up on this blog. I may not be physically sitting at this desk, but I will write. My hope is that my daughter follows her dream of going to college in California and my son in Florida and I will be writing this in either of those two states as I visit them. I will be proud of them with any decision they make.

As for my professional life….who knows. Taking one day at a time. Learning and sharing through yoga. Learning, sharing and teaching how to live a perfectly imperfect, authentic, natural, healthy lifestyle until I can’t go any longer. It’s going to take a lot for me to stop.

Follow your dreams. Go for it and never give up. There is still time. 40, 50, 60 and 70 on up!! It doesn’t matter.

In three years I will be 50 years old. Wiser, smarter, stronger and healthier than ever before. Maybe my life will be half over, but one thing that I will always take with me is that I have lived a life that made me who I am today. As always, I am blessed and grateful to those who pushed me, pulled me, left me, loved me, messed with me, doubted me and encouraged me. Thank you!!

The road to 50 is going to be great.

No matter what age, learn, live, grow, heal, share, practice, teach, and breathe. Take good care of yourself today and always.

“The best investment that you’ll ever make is in yourself. Never stop exploring, learning, experiencing, and becoming a better person each day”-Mo Seetubtim

Do You really Care.....

What people think?

There are so many people, all ages that are so worried about what others think of us. The bottom line is it truly does not matter. When we constantly worry and it causes nothing but anxiety and unnecessary stress.

This morning in class I decided to read a great blog about just this topic, take it up a notch and bust out "To Be Real" and just start dancing. Not giving a shit what anyone thought. And guess what? It felt amazing and all of the 21 peeps in the room did the same.

Why do we care about what Jane Smith from the PTO thinks about us? Why? 

It is time to UNFUCK ourselves as Hug Your Chaos has taught me, Let's re-wire our brains with positive thoughts and not negativity.

Start doing the work. Begin by digger deep within yourself because you deserve it and you should start showing the world what a beautiful human you are without trying to impress with stress.

Let's not take this the wrong way. We can and should CARE about others, their feelings and what they think. But if you find yourself becoming anxious and stressed over it, you need to figure out exactly why.

"We have an inside and an outside—an interior landscape and an exterior landscape. Our interior landscape is our subjective experience of our authentic self, while our exterior landscape is a product of our worldview. The two together create a psychosocial dynamic, but that dynamic has only one reference point, leaving us balancing self- and other-perception.

When this delicate balance shifts because we begin seeking approval, or attempting to control outcomes, we become externally focused and can literally lose sight of our essential nature. That essential nature is different from the ego-self—the self-image fed and influenced by what is outside of us. In looking out, rather than within, our sense-of-self and sense-of-place become clouded. The more we attempt to establish these sensibilities through external means, the more clouded our vision becomes and the further we get from our authentic self. Instead of being fully present in our social interactions, our thoughts and behavior become means for eliciting a response, rather than an expression of self-value.

The ego-self is a false self, a façade scripted by the demands of our context as we perceive them. It is our self-image, our social mask, the role we are playing—and it thrives on approval. That need for approval is driven by self-criticism and negative self-talk, which are fear-based. That fear derives from any number of sources, from our original premise concerning fear of rejection to a "less-than" mentality, all of which begs the question:

We’ve been disapproving of ourselves our entire lives without much success. Why not start approving of ourselves and see how that works out?

Self-approval comes out of self-acceptance, which rises out of the recognition that we are, in fact, enough, just as we are. With that recognition, we can free ourselves from fear; we no longer need to look outside for a validation that, on the inside is self-evident. We come into our power, our full humanity, in the recognition that our essential nature is all we need to be fully us."-Psychology Today

Loose the stress of trying to impress. Your body knows you are not being authentic and that is causing stress and can lead to more dis-ease. And that feels so much wore than having someone dislike you.

Did you know that Ulcers are caused by fear? Fear of not being good enough because we can't stomach who we are and we rip our guts out everyday trying to please others. That's a pretty scary thought. Keep that in your mind when you are stressed over what people think of you and constantly trying to please others.

Be Real

Be You

Dance

Sing

Laugh

Smile

xoxoxox

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